| This may be my last entry here, even though its the first in a long time.
i don't know, i just randomly started searching through everyone's entries, reopenning the drama - filled pages that i haven't seen in three or so months. and, reading through all the "i'm so sad"s, "nobody cares", "i can't stand her"s... all the hidden meanings behind everyone's words... it makes me sick. i know that i do it too... everyone does.
i don't get it. these are supposed to be the best days of our lives.. right now, in this moment. and all anyone can ever do is blame all their problems on everyone else. it's amazing to come back to this place (Zionsville) after the time i have spent away.
going to Texas for all of June was probably one of the best decisions i have ever made. on the surface, yes, i got to work with broadway performers, get feedback from unbiased opionions, and spend seven hours a day dancing and discovering muscles i never knew that i had... but the experiences i gained from going through the Texas Arts Project ran much deeper than that. Yes Lord... there are places unlike this one where people actually care about more than themselves. in Texas, I met the most amazing people of my life. not because of talent, confidence, fashion, money, not any of that... but because of who they were. Shannon, if you're reading this - i thank you from the bottom of my heart for reminding me what it is like to have a completely honest friendship, with no manipulating & always, always putting everyone before yourself. Thank you for sharing the joy you have found in your life with me, and making me laugh all the time. Ari - thank you for teaching me how to be 'black' and being patient with me and my inability to understand the 'syncopation' is NOT a word to be used when dancing outside of the ballet studio. i have gained so much from these people in the past weeks. yes, different lifestyles exist. yes, there are people out there that are joyful ALL the time. yes, the world is NOT just a bigger version of Zionsville.
i will now walk with confidence wherever my life takes me. Yes, Kevin, maybe one day you will see me in New York. thank you katie and nooka for calling me... you guys know a lot about how stuff went (that it wasn't a piece of cake, and that many times i called you and cried to you about wanting to go home)... your words and support meant so much to me when i was there, i love you two!!!!! But, at the end of the day, I am so thankful that i went. God placed me there for a reason... not only to become a dancer or performer...but to refresh my spirit and realize what is important to me - not the drama, not the sadness... but the joy found in fulfillment. I am renewed and ready to conquer whatever is to come. thank you texas!!!!!
t |
